So for today’s blog post I thought I might show you something from a few years ago. The 4th of July 2012, to be exact. and rewrite it to how, if I started now, it would sound. Honestly, this exercise is mainly for me, so I can see how far I’ve grown in a short period of time.
What I have discovered, is that the theme’s and idea’s behind my writing haven’t changed. I still write strong female protagonists, and many of the idea’s I thought were new I’ve had half written and planned for years.
Snapshot:
Before you start, I am more than aware this is absolutely horrible. I still can’t figure out what was going on, and I wrote it! So, hopefully I can clear it up in the second one. This is taken after a brief ‘prologue-esque’ scene, that explains that the group s being called back together after being forced to split up. They are being thrown back into a war that they retreated from years earlier.
~~~~~♥~~~~~♡~~~~~♥~~~~~
Jasha pushed open the wooden doors to the marble palace. Their old home.
“Welcome home you-” Alex and Jasha quickly placed their hands on the Marble, and the words disappeared before any more of the words carved into the floor could be read.
“I remember last time we were here.” Hannah breathed quietly, but it echoed down the empty halls.
“Its still in almost perfect condition,” Glaniz whispered, her hand running along the marble walls.
“Its exactly how you left it.” A deep male voice said, “I just couldn’t get the carving from the floor.” The male stepped into view. “I waited, I waited for 80 years. I knew you would come back. You probably don’t remember me, Joe Daniels, I was in charge of maintenance, I devoted my whole life to this place. I couldn’t just get up and leave like you all did, I hid when they came. I got a few, the ones who did the carving. They kept coming back. Until everyone thought it was haunted. I’ve been so lonely."
“Thank you Joe, our home, She’s beautiful. All thanks to you.” Rose spoke.
“Is there anything we can do for you in return?” Luna asked nicely.
“Just don’t leave her again. Have a good day your leaderships.” Joe bowed lowly, before walking away.
~~~~~♥~~~~~♡~~~~~♥~~~~~
Rewrite:
So essentially my plan is to cut down on the number of characters I have. You can’t really tell with the above shot, but later on things get really confusing.
The marble palace gleamed in the evening sunlight. The white walls dancing with the reds and purples that filled the otherwise blue sky. Ivy plants had been given free reign up one of the towers nearest to the sun, spilling over the walls.
It stood proudly atop a mountain. Looming over the scattered villages that seemed to flow like a waterfall around the palace. Dotted amongst rich pastures and thick forests. People walked around freely, tending to pastures and animals, but they all stopped when the four walked through the towns. Staring unabashedly at the small group. They were paid no mind, the four continuing their drudge up the mountain.
They were used to the stares, extraordinarily beautiful by human standards, and leaders of their own people. Queen of the Vampires, Lunetta Alexandria Stone had ink black hair that skimmed the top of her waist, tangled up in a braid to keep it out of her way. Near black-blue eyes scanned their surroundings repeatedly, making sure no one made a move against her or her friends. Her husband and lover, King Damion Stone, was smiling as he strung an arm over his wife’s shoulders. Chocolate brown eyes sparkling with joy as he took in every little detail around them. The children that peeped out from behind their parents, quietly asking what all the fuss was about. Damion ran a hand through his blonde hair before waving at the children.
Queen Raene of the Gifted was much like Damion, practically dancing from person to person, greeting and talking with them like old friends. A young child nestled on her hip that no one had quite seen her pick up. All breaths held when the young gifted accidentally set the Queen’s auburn hair on fire. She only laughed, the fire dying out and leaving her hair untouched in it's wake. Violet eyes focused on the toddler as he clapped excitedly.
The King of the Gifted looked around the crowd, searching for the parents of the child his wife had seemingly absconded with. His Emerald eyes sparkled as they rested on his queen. A smile curling up his lips as he joined her. His hands resting on both the small of his wife’s back and the child. The giggling toddler soon had the Kings raven hair on fire as well.
“Alright, enough you two.” Lunetta called, looking to her friends. Raene rolled her eyes, handing the child back to his mother with a quiet whisper.
“Let’s go home.” King Lucien lead her away, keeping his hand on the small of her back.
The four didn’t stop again until they reached the marble staircase. Turning their back on the huge wooden doors to stare out at their kingdoms below them.
So I took a much smaller section than I had originally intended to, but it expanded it alot, and I didn’t want to overwhelm anyone with too many words. Also, I wasn’t quite sure how I wanted this to go.
Originally posted on www.rosedemica.blogspot.com
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