Heya Everyone!! Sorry it’s been so long! Read life attacked again... well, not really... The truth is I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write for the next post. But before we dive into that, let's catch up!
I recently celebrated a pretty big milestone. I turned twenty-one! Woohoo! Right? Not really, I wanted to pretend it never happened. That it was just another day. I couldn’t figure out what was worth celebrating. I haven’t done anything exciting since I turned twenty. This isn’t what I had imagined my life would be like. I wanted to be in a stable relationship, with a well-paying job, a bachelor degree, and someone who loved me. What I am, is single for going on four years now. I live with my parents. I’m neck-deep in debt I’m not going to be able to pay off anytime soon and sinking deeper with each passing week. I work for minimum wage in a job I don’t really see myself staying in past the end of the year. I’m back at university, and I have nothing to my name.
On an upside I met my future husband... well, again, not really... I have a new celebrity crush. Another unrealistic fantasy to add to the growing list of things I’ll never achieve. I mean, he’s fantastic, he can sing, has a great personality and he’s handsome as hell, and I’m... well I’m little old me. Just another pathetic fangirl living in another world, Why would someone like him spare a glance at someone like me when he has models hanging off his arms. When someone else can offer him the world and all I have are the chains of debt.
So I suppose in summary, right now my life is pretty crap. At least, that’s what the voice in my head tells me.
The other night I was talking with an amazing young woman, who has the life I dreamed I’d be living at twenty-one, and she’s not happy. She compares herself to everyone, pointing out her flaws like they were flashing neon signs in a pitch black world. She fought against every nice thing I said but refused to let me do the same to myself. Every harsh word I said about myself was met with instant argument.
You wouldn’t let your friend talk about themselves like that, so why is it okay to do it to yourself? Since when did we become our own worst enemy? When did we decide that the voice in our head was allowed to be so harsh? When did it become so hard to see the good things about ourselves? When did we start comparing ourselves to the people we see around us? Define our self-worth by how we don’t measure up to them?
Ever since my messy break-up I’ve been learning to love myself. I’ve been teaching the voice in my head to say ‘yes, those are your flaws, but look at all this good stuff.’ I’ve been teaching myself to find the good things about myself and cling onto that as I’m battered by the storms that come with comparing myself to someone else. Someone who I know is doing the exact same thing to themselves. The perfect person I see thinking that they’re imperfect, looking up to someone else, listening to that voice in their head as they list their flaws on repeat.
I’ve decided that I’m not going to let the voice in my head drag me down. I’m refusing to let it ruin my own life.
Because finding flaws in ourselves is way too easy to do. It’s normal, it’s what we combat when we see another person doing better than us. When we pick up a magazine and see flawless bodies we can only dream of having. When our friends celebrate things we wished we had accomplished.
We’ve started relying on others to make us feel good about ourselves. When the only people who truly can make us happy is ourselves. When we start seeing the good rather than the bad. A thousand people can tell you you're beautiful, but you will never truly believe it until you see it for yourself. A hundred people can tell you they love something about you, but if you keep calling it a flaw that’s all it will ever be.
If your friends talked to you the way the voice in your head does, would you still be their friend?
So yeah, my life isn’t what I imagined it to be, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have learnt so much and grown even more. I have met people and made the most amazing friends. I started chasing my dreams and realised that I will sacrifice anything to see them come true. I’ve started to love myself, for my flaws, because they make me who I am, and who I am is exactly what the world needs. I’ve stopped listening to the voice in my head that tells me I am not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, because that voice is a liar.
That voice is keeping me from everything I know I can be.
I might not ever marry that celebrity crush, but not because I’m just little old me. Little old me is perfect the way I am. I am amazing, I am fantastic, I am everything I look up to in someone else, or I’m learning to be that person.
And so are you.
So I beg of you, stop letting that voice in your head hold you back. Make it your friend and your greatest ally or tell it to get lost. Turn your I can not's into I can and I will. Learn to love yourself. To see yourself the way everyone around you sees you.
Because the only thing holding you back, is yourself.
Tell yourself five good things about yourself. Drown out your faults and flaws with your achievements and the things you like about yourself. You are your own greatest weakness and your greatest strength.
Stop holding yourself back. Stop listening to that voice. Learn to love yourself, because it’s worth it.
I promise.
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